At first glance, an outsider looking in would think this is an amazing family. And in many ways, there are some real positives. I speak from firsthand experience. I was around Ralph and his family every year for about 10 years. We were closest of friends. Almost every year we would visit their home for a week, and they would visit our home for a week. We spent a lot of time together. There are many things about Ralph that are commendable. His hospitality, his desire to encourage others, his willingness to adopt children, are just a few of the qualities that we so admired about him. 

We talked about our families, the Bible, and we prayed together. According to his own words, I was his mentor. We shared pulpits when visiting each other's churches, and we talked theology for hours. Those who know me well, know that I believe we need to study the word for ourselves, not just take what we hear from others. Ralph was very encouraged with my study of the Word. In fact, the beliefs that I hold to, Ralph also believes. At least he did. Now he sends out letters with lies about the very beliefs we held together. Except now, those beliefs have been twisted and I've been accused of teaching heresy. 

So what is the truth about Ralph? Ralph is trained in Psychology. He thinks he is able to "figure people out". Once he does, you are now in the box he believes you are in. For example, one of his sons, R...., who is a fine young man who was pursuing the Lord when I knew him, was pegged as never being able to be more than just a laborer. Ralph would always discourage him from seeking to move up in his career because R... could never amount to more than just a manual laborer according to Ralph. Our family always felt so bad for R.....l. 

Two of his young adopted children were treated so poorly it broke our hearts. He would make them sit by themselves for hours while the other children played because they were "rebellious". If they didn't eat their food as expected, or if they didn't take good notes during the sermon, it meant long hours of isolation watching the others play. A few of his own children could throw temper tantrums but it was as if they could do no wrong. We never saw them treated as these two adopted children were, despite much worse behavior. 

Those who know Ralph, know that his two older sons have abandoned the faith. Not only have they abandoned the faith, they are very vocal and vulgar about their opposition to Christianity. The oldest son is far worse than the younger however. I know the older son because he wanted to marry my daughter. I spent a lot of time with him and his father. I saw firsthand the arguing between them and the disrespect Ralph allowed from his son. 

When his son left the faith, we grieved with Ralph and his wife. We prayed for them and with them. My wife and I even visited in his son's home to try to encourage him to honor the Lord and his parents. Sadly, it was to know avail. In a conversation with his son earlier this year, his son indicated that his father's behavior through the years drove him away from this "christianity" he had grown up with. His father had severed many family relationships. Some of these were with his wife's family. He would call their church the "goat farm". Not only family relationships were cut off, but also friendships were severed by Ralph. Ralph's son told me how heartbreaking it was to have witnessed this through the years. One of the first things his son did after leaving the home was to go back and restore the relationships with family members that were severed because of Ralph's actions. 

For Ralph's 25th Anniversary celebration, my wife and I were asked to speak. His two oldest sons had nothing to say. I'm not even sure if his son were there for the celebration after the Scriptorium. That is why it is so ironic that Ralph is now seeking to destroy my family by encouraging my children to have NOTHING to do with their parents. People have asked me why Ralph is doing this. I don't know. Some think it is jealousy, but I don't know. Yes, my children have all been influenced by Ralph and our son-in-law Matt, but they all are in church, professing to follow the Lord, and zealous about their faith (at least the last we knew of them).  For Ralph to attack me as a some terrible parent who mistreated his children is hypocrisy. He should look at the results of his parenting before making accusations about my family. As I point out to people, my oldest son lived with us until he was nearly 24 years old. Even after leaving our house to move into his own house next door, our son continued to attend the church I pastored for over three more years. In fact, he was a leader in our church alongside of me. His letter to me when he decided to attend a larger church with more opportunities at 27 years old was so complimentary of my leadership and love for the church. He wrote:

"You are a very excellent picture of faithfulness, as you have faithfully served the church even when it was inconvenient. You have done so constantly for many years. Thank you for this service. And also, thank you for the example of your desire to serve and help people. Your willingness to be there to help people even when it is difficult, is a great example for me to follow."

Our oldest daughter also lived with us until she was 25 years old. When she moved out there were no issues at all. In fact, she was very willing to honor us. She even wrote a letter to us a year later and said the following:

"I am so thankful for the huge role and influence you have had in my life, and I thank God for parents who were as careful as you both to ensure that each aspect of my life be shaped by Biblical thinking and example. You've called me "the thinker" many times (probably too many!), but I credit that to how you taught our family to take the Word of God seriously and understand that our lives, thoughts, and actions need to be informed and patterned after what the Bible says. Thank you for that. I know God has blessed my life and spared me from so many dangers and difficulties because of your diligence and love. I said it in our last conversation, and I want to say it again, that so many of the principles you taught me have helped me understand how to live and still guide the choices and decisions that I make."

This was written at 25 years old while living on her own. Does this sound like a child who was mistreated and abused (as Ralph has accused us of)?

Sadly, Ralph's wife is complicit with his sinful behavior toward the children, as well as toward us. She is a very obedient wife and has expressed to us on numerous occasions her displeasure with Ralph's decisions, but she will always go along with Ralph, even when she knows he is wrong. She has said on numerous occasions to us in front of Ralph, that he made a particular decision because he "always had to be in control". Whether she questions his decisions, we do not know. But she saw the conflict between her husband and her sons and allowed it to continue. She is heartbroken about their turning away from the faith, as any mother would be. 

What brought us and this family together through the years was our common desire for truth and standing up for truth. I was a pastor at the same church for 8 years. I left that church on good terms with the blessing of the elders to plant a new church. Ralph had numerous church issues during those eight years in which none of them ended well. Even his wife would tell him he was not treating the pastors right or handling the situation correctly. But, that was the way Ralph handled things, and still appears to. He attended five churches during the time we knew Ralph and his family.

1. Heritage Reformed Baptist Church
2. Sovereign Grace Church
3. Ridgewood Baptist Church
4. Medina Bible Church
5. Hopewell Church

In the first four churches, things didn't end well. Ralph had a major conflict with the pastor/elders. Long time friends no longer had contact with Ralph. Was Ralph at fault in all of these church matters? It depends on who you talk to. I know Ralph believes he was standing for truth and that is why the conflict occurred. I can't say for sure. But what Ralph is accusing me of is hypocritical in light of his own church history. I was a pastor for 8+ years at one church during part of the time I knew Ralph. There was no issue when I left that church and planted a church. In fact, the elders and the church sent us out to plant a church with their blessing and even financial gifts. I pastored that church for three years. There were no charges against me from the church body. Although we had to discipline a family during that time, the church body stood with me and the other leaders unanimously. 

Another area of utter hypocrisy is that Ralph continues to spread his division to many families who have nothing to do with our family or this situation. I have sought to share this with very few families up to this point. All the while, Ralph is talking to family after family about us, all the while claiming that I need to stop talking to those who are not involved. Amazing! I know he is talking to families about us because I'm being contacted by families who I don't even know very well about the situation. Some are supportive, while others are questioning us. One person recently sent me an email saying never to contact him again unless I start my email out with a message of repentance. According to the Word of God, this is foolish to come to a conclusion without hearing both sides. And yet Ralph continues to talk to those who have no involvement in our family or this matter, while accusing me of doing this. This is nothing but hypocrisy.